I have not been writing since I got my computer fixed because I have been dealing with feelings of unworthiness, you see on Oct 13 2017, I became single. It was not my choice but hers. I have gone through all the expected emotions, I have experienced hurt, anger, feelings of betrayal especially concerning some of my adult children. I have especially felt unworthy of my Lord and the calling he has placed on my life.
With the passage cited above, He reminded me that He too has been divorced and it was his choice. I saw a Meme today that simply said “ Some people can remain in your heart but they cannot remain in your life”, so true.
In my mind it would serve no good purpose to get into the particulars that led to this awful result in my life suffice it to say that I am not guiltless to the process, but, it does take two, both to destroy or build a relationship and no matter how hard one tries, the effort will fail if it is only one person trying, ask God, it was so with Him. God tried, he loved His bride Israel with all He is, He promised to richly bless her and He did, but she (Israel) refused to accept His gifts and took credit for them or even worse credited others for those gifts (worshiping other Gods). With all that said I have spent many hours in discussion with the Lord and have received His forgiveness and His strength to continue on.
I have come to believe that divorce, even in the case of adultery, which is a permissible reason for divorce with God, is completely unnecessary. In my mind the only reason for divorce is when one partner repeatedly is physically or emotionally abusive and will not admit it nor seek help, in these cases, the person may, “ remain in your heart but not in your life”.
There are some prerequisites to healing and restoring a marriage, the first is the two MUST quite blaming each other and focus on what each individual did wrong in other words each person must own their own stuff. When two people fight it is most often because one believes the other person wronged them so they become defensive and blame the other. If you do not own your own stuff, you can not be forgiven by God or your partner, this principal can be found at Proverbs 28:13 and First John 1:9.
The second prerequisite is they must Love each other, perhaps not at the moment in the heat of battle but do they love each other the rest of the time? Here is how you can tell:
- Is he kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud or rude?
- Is she selfish or quick tempered. Does she keep a record of wrongs that others do her?
- Does he rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
- Is she always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
With the exception of Item 2, this is what Love looks like in practical everyday life. If item 2 is regularly experienced by either partner, the other had better score 100 % in the other categories or your relationship will fail. All categories are interchangeable between genders and since we are human and will sometimes fail we need to learn forgiveness. You will find this description of Love in First Corinthians chapter 13.
Here is the take away of this discussion, if Love is present in the relationship, or had been, and both partners are willing to work at restoring it, it can be done. But if only one is a believer and the other isn't and the unbeliever leaves then;
1Co_7:15 If your husband or wife isn't a follower of the Lord and decides to divorce you, then you should agree to it. You are no longer bound to that person. After all, God chose you and wants you to live at peace.
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